i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
