We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So here I am, sexting at work.
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