Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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