I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize