My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
