He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
