I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
