There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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