Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
