I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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