I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
