so that wasnt chicken after all
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
