She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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