the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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