I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
