It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
