he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
