Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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