Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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