Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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