Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
