Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
