I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
