We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
