We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
