We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
