so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
