I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
