I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
