Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
