margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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