there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
