My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
