based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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