she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
