So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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