I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
