I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
