I didn't shave. On purpose
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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