Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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