Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
