im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
