did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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