just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
