i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize