So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
