i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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