so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
