yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
