oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
