Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
