I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
