dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
