i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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