apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
