Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize