So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
