you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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