My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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