Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
