D3 body, D1 cock
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
