Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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