Just cropdusted the office
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
