I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize