I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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