fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You took a bar mat shot.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How does one acquire holy water?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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