Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
