I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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