I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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