I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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