im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize