it hurts more in the daytime
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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