Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
