somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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