I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
