I wish I could teleport
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
