my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
