After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Life is so much better after having sex.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
