Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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