Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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