Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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