Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
