3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
