Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
