At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
