i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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