you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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