It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
