my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
