All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
