Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
