so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize